Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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