...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
