his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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