i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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