I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
