y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm passing your future prison.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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