Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
