currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
