so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
