thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
