every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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