She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
