I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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