I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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