And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
