were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
