I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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