So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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