You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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