he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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