you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
