Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
