Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
