my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
