if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
