oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
