Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
