I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
