help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
