North Korea, Best Korea!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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