We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
