the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
