are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
