I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
