happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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