My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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