This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
