Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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