I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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