if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
