I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
