oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
