smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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