Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
