I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
