So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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