you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
