It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And then my night got REAL pukey
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
