her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
