Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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