This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
