I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
