Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
