READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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