its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
