i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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