whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
